I finally joined Twitter – and Threads – to see what all the fuss was about | Social media

It’s a fact universally acknowledged that there’s the actual world, with all its sprawling ambiguity and apathy, after which there’s Twitter, the place absolute certainty and tribal division reign supreme. And it’s an extra fact, nearly as broadly accepted, that if you wish to be an opinion-former, wield affect and make an impression, you had higher not spend an excessive amount of time in the actual world.

But for the previous 17 years that’s the place I’ve chosen to stay. A journalist with out Twitter is a bit like an exhibitionist who’s agoraphobic – how are you going to be seen? And what probability do you’ve got of producing that digital meteorological phenomenon of which all of us, people and companies, stroll in awed terror: the Twitterstorm?

That at the least had been the prevailing knowledge till Elon Musk started tinkering together with his new $44bn toy after buying it final October. Within the novelty-fetishising world of tech, the place wanting a day old-fashioned can show terminal, there have been rising complaints that Twitter goes backwards. One critic, the blogger and creator Cory Doctorow, poetically declared the regression a strategy of “enshittification”.

Twitter additionally now finds itself battling with a brand new competitor, Threads, the strikingly Twitter-like platform launched final week by Mark Zuckerberg’s Meta empire (which incorporates Fb, Instagram and WhatsApp). Zuckerberg has kind on imitating different apps, Instagram’s reels being a barely disguised take-off of TikTok.

All of which signifies that Twitter seems in peril of changing into inessential. The right time to affix, then, for somebody like me who’s congenitally late to the celebration. And going towards all my tardy adopter instincts, I additionally joined Threads to see what all of the fuss was about.

One of many causes I by no means obtained spherical to signing as much as Twitter was that I feared I’d find yourself arguing with strangers late into the evening about issues that didn’t actually matter that a lot to me. In spite of everything, that’s what different folks – notably, however not solely, males – appeared to do.

I do know this as a result of I’m a member of Fb and never sometimes buddies put up messages saying that they’re in an almighty scrap over on Twitter with somebody I’ve by no means heard of, and put up screenshots of their poisonous exchanges. On Fb I’d had possibly two barbed disagreements in 15 years, which was greater than sufficient. Though I’m not an energetic consumer, it’s been largely inoffensive in my expertise, and a close to good waste of time.

That was one more reason to withstand the lure of the tweet: time administration. I already spend extra time than I knew I had scrolling by means of photos of buddies’ holidays and reels of comedian pratfalls on Instagram. I don’t have the spare frittering capability to indulge two additional platforms of screaming opinion.

So what did I encounter in my hours spent lurking on Twitter and Threads? The expertise jogs my memory of my unsatisfactory visits to immersive theatre. “You should see it!” buddies say of some cutting-edge manufacturing in a disused warehouse, and then you definately go there, stroll from one darkened house to a different looking at a mime artist or some dreary set up and marvel what it’s that you just’re lacking. The transformative taking place is all the time some other place, simply out of sight, and I’m left an completely underwhelming spectacle.

So it proved with Twitter. To enroll, you must specify pursuits from an inventory that appears oddly weighted in direction of astrology and horoscopes, and also you’re additionally given a alternative of in style figures to observe. Prime of the listing I’m introduced with is the Colombian songstress Shakira. On condition that a lot of what’s printed on Twitter is alleged to be of questionable veracity, I tick her field, reassured by the data that her hips don’t lie.

One other suggestion is James O’Brien, the reticent radio phone-in host, who I determine to not observe on the idea that his opinions appear inescapable despite the fact that I by no means hearken to his radio present. And certain sufficient, regardless of not following him, he’s there on my Twitter feed, giving one other kicking to a wide-open door together with his new guide on how the Tories broke Britain.

To a novice, it feels cacophonous, like a thousand Audio system’ Corners crammed into one city sq.. So I ask some longterm Twitter customers what the enchantment is or was. The novelist Linda Grant says it’s good “for breaking information and guide promotion”. She speaks of following the “real-time tweets” of a pal in the course of the Arab Spring and checking for public transport hold-ups in London. Others communicate of it being a portal into different lives and conversations, “a cheapskate’s wire company feed”, and a helpful strategy to take care of vitality suppliers. It have to be stated, nonetheless, {that a} recurring phrase I hear is “cesspit”. And the consensus appears to be that its greatest days are previous, with many individuals having left, and obnoxious characters having been allowed again.

Grant notes that Threads, Twitter’s newest competitor (a number of have fallen by the wayside), has no chronological timeline and at current no matter search facility. On nearer inspection, the primary factor that Threads appears to be providing is self-congratulatory posts from Zuckerberg: “Threads simply handed 2 million sign-ups in first two hours”, infinite memes referencing the rivalry between Zuckerberg and Musk (who’ve threatened to wage fight in a cage battle), and pleas to be kinder and extra civil and compassionate from Gary Vaynerchuk, a self-promoting social media guru.

I also get the job lot of all my Instagram friends who’ve signed up to Threads. My favourite comment among these is from novelist Nick Hornby, who lends an appropriate dose of irony to the celebratory spirit. “I have never been among the first 10 million users of ANYTHING,” he enthuses. “I feel giddy.”

The rest is the usual load of random flotsam and jetsam that washes up on the social media shoreline: a photo of the French footballer Kylian Mbappé and the queen of modern-day influencers, Kim Kardashian, receives heavy rotation. There is a notification from Zuckerberg that Threads has reached 70 million users. “Way beyond our expectations.” And a forest of seemingly non-sequitur posts.

It’s early days and perhaps it will grow into some utopian community of ideas, where everyone respects each other and reliable information flows like pure mountain streams through digital culture. Perhaps. But at the moment I’m reminded of that old Gertrude Stein line, there’s no there there.

Back on Twitter, I read that Twitter is threatening to sue Meta over “systematic, wilful and unlawful misappropriation” of its trade secrets and IP. Musk’s lawyer has apparently sent a cease-and-desist letter to Zuckerberg. Musk tweets: “Competition is fine, cheating is not.”

Going back and forth between the two platforms is like entering a hall of mirrors, in which the most interesting thing is the distorted image projected by each of the other. Two narcissistic billionaires vying for our attention – how can we resist?

All too easily, in my case. But that’s not to say I haven’t learned anything from the experience. For example, I read that if you quit Threads you also have to leave Instagram. Well, that should kill two birds with one stone. I think I’m going to be spending even more time back in the mundane obscurity of the real world.